A Therapist + The Enneagram (Part 1)

First I was a 9, then a 6, then a 2.

How was I supposed to know what all of these numbers meant and what they revealed about me? It was never about adding a label, finding a box to fit in, or figuring out “my number” so everyone could know where I fit on the little, somewhat weird-looking enneagram wheel. It was about learning. It was about self-awareness. It was about gaining understanding. It was about tuning into my deepest fears, needs, and motivations. 

I took time…

I took time to read books, listen to the podcasts, and when Sleeping at Last came out with a song per each enneagram type, you’d better believe I was ALL ABOUT IT. Over the next year I consistently resonated with the type 1 and both the 2 and 9 wing (with maybe a stronger hint of wing 2). 

Ohhh the journey of a 1 trying to “get it right” when figuring out their enneagram type. 

As someone who strongly resonates with the type 1, it has been an overwhelming and yet refreshing journey realizing the ways some of my type 1 tendencies keep me stuck or paralyzed by the impossible and demeaning expectation of perfection and rightness.

The shame I felt and the time I spent replaying situations when “it was possible that I didn’t say the right thing to that person” or when my workplace didn’t provide the level of instruction I preferred and I was left to “somehow figure out the perfect way of completing the task of launching a new program” on my own.

If you know anything about type 1’s, you can imagine what came next. Ridiculous anger and frustration.

“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PERFORM PERFECTLY IF NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT PERFECTION IS IN THIS SITUATION?”

It has been a long road for me to extend grace to myself and surrender perfection to the only One who IS perfection: Jesus. It’s something I have to be aware of every single day.

Continuing to learn and implement my knowledge of the enneagram has given me language and understanding… and it’s still a journey.